A change of tune
“Katie, you’re getting to be a drag,” I hear you trill, your melodic tone adding softness to what would otherwise be a pretty brutal comment. “Katie, can’t you talk to me about something else? Anything?”
Well…Message received, darling. Twice. Yes, I know I should have got your first hint when R suggested it. That very same friend who urged me not to deny myself the space to continue my growth outside of you, outside of our relationship. At the time I felt it, I knew this was you telling me I need to get back to being sisters, to chat with each other and share, not just focus on what has happened. And I did, sort of. Ok, ok. I will concede that I didn’t actually act on it until you reminded me the other day, through my writing buddy, G.
So, now I hear you, lady: I can write about things other than you. That was of course part of the motivation for starting this blog, so that I had a medium through which to discuss a host of topics with you. For me to interact with you, rather than just think about you. So as of today, I declare this blog a conversation between you and me. I want to talk to you and not at you. This is a step in the direction I started to take a few conversations back but it’s a journey, so they tell me.
Right, what do I want to discuss? I rack my brain for what I want to catch you up on…a tumbleweed blows across my mind. Well, this is a great start. I think I’m overthinking this. If you were sitting in front on me, what would I want to tell you?
Well, first off the bat, I’d reprimand you strongly for leaving me. What, you couldn’t look both ways before crossing the road?! Ok, ok, that was below the belt. I love you really, Belle.
Then I’d want to fill you in on the boys. They are so blooming hilarious at the moment. Ziggy is going through this phase where he growls at you when you say no, gritting his teeth and sticking his chin forward. It’s equal measure disconcerting and side-splittingly funny. He’s either growing up to be an actor (drowning in his emotions) or a psychopath (devoid of emotions). Let’s see if I can edge it towards the former. And then there’s JJ. Never without a massive grin on his face, even at 4am, having managed to squeeze two earlier wake ups in the short space of time since I went to bed. I really must go to bed earlier.
Oh, and the other night I watched Practical Magic again for the first time in ages. I know, I know, why torture myself? I mean, a film centred around that quintessential close sister bond? But I couldn’t help myself, it’s so bloody good. Pure magic you might say… I digress.
Listen to me, banging on about myself. What’s new with you?
Actually, I just realised, you told me already. The night before I watched Practical Magic in fact. We chatted in my dream. Well, our dream I guess… You were sitting cross-legged on the palm of my hand. You had your eyes closed and I think your hands were gently resting on your knees, palms down. I asked if you missed me and, without skipping a beat, you opened your eyes and fixed your gaze on me, eyes brimming with tears. And with a strength that broke through your quivering voice, you said yes. You told me that you had been busy travelling here and there and that you missed me. You were trying to tell me more but we couldn’t hear each other over the din of people trying to get our attention. Visibly frustrated, you reached out your hand and placed your palm to my temple. The noise disappeared and all I could hear was you. A microphone in my mind. I don’t know what happened next but I woke with a sense of relief. You miss me. Which means you haven’t forgotten me. Wherever you are, you are still you. And when I pass, wherever we will be, we will still be us.
Right, love. Better dash, got to go put the lime in the coconut…
